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Your Favorite Taunts from Film and Literature

posted Apr 29, 2013 16:12:52 by Mike_Substelny
Over the weekend I discussed with Thom the ideas of making the taunts more fun for Artemis 2.0. If implemented, this will make the taunts more canonical, increase the interaction between Science and Communications, and make the choice of taunt more important.

The new taunts will be race specific. For example, you might insult the Arvonian royal family, mock the Kralien religion, compare a Torgoth's mother to a space whale, or call a Skaraan ship a rust bucket.

At the start of each mission, every enemy ship will get a randomly-generated personality for its captain. That personality will make one of the taunts a sensitive spot for the captain (e.g. a pious Kralien will become enraged if you mock his sacred scripture). But another of the taunts will seem so silly to the captain that he/she will become immune to all taunts from you (e.g. an Arvonian captain who has publicly spoken out against the monarchy will just laugh if you insult her queen).

After the first scan identifies an enemy ship, Science will get a small TSN Intelligence report on the ship's captain. That report will give a hint about the best or worst taunt to use. For example:

COMMS: Sir, DS3 is under attack!
CAPTAIN: We can't get there now. Try taunting the enemy away from the station.
COMMS: Science, what can you tell me about that ship?
SCIENCE: K52 is a Skaraan Executor. The captain is very proud of his ship's speed.
COMMS: (sends) Attention K52! Your ship is so slow it leaves a slime trail!
K52: What? We will destroy you!

*or*

CAPTAIN: Comms, see if you can taunt that Kralien into the minefield.
COMMS: What have you got, Science?
SCIENCE: The captain of G41 was raised in an atheist family. He won't care if you insult their sacred scriptures. Try something else.
COMMS: Attention G41! I'm talking to you, maser-mouth! The deadliest weapon on that pathetic excuse for a ship is your face!
G41: What? We will destroy you!



Of course the classic science fiction taunt that worked was when Kirk said: "Khan, I'm laughing at the superior intellect." The taunt worked because Kirk knew something about Khan.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail taunts are silly and ineffective. Lines like "Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person!" didn't make the characters react at all.

Skakespeare had some of my favorite taunts. "Your bum is the greatest thing about you; so that in the beastliest sense, you are Pompey the Great."

What about you? Please tell us all your favorite taunts used in film, television, or literature to help make Artemis 2.0 more fun.
"Damn the torpedoes! Four bells, Captain Drayton!"

(Likely actual words of Admiral David Farragut, USN, at the battle of Mobile Bay. Four bells was the signal for the engine room to make full steam ahead).
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26 replies
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Mike_Substelny said May 15, 2013 01:42:31
Lewd frog molester. Ha-ha!
"Damn the torpedoes! Four bells, Captain Drayton!"

(Likely actual words of Admiral David Farragut, USN, at the battle of Mobile Bay. Four bells was the signal for the engine room to make full steam ahead).
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AdmlBaconStraps said May 15, 2013 11:46:13
Suck vacumn!
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RussJudge said May 16, 2013 17:35:55
Ah, so that's what you get when you cross a toad with an ass.
Russ
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JosephBranson said Jul 02, 2013 17:43:44
"What doesn't destroy me makes me stronger. What attempts to destroy me shall be OBLITERATED!"
I've been flying ships since before you were born, sad little Earth-monkey! -Zim
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AdmlBaconStraps said Jul 06, 2013 07:13:24
'Revenge is like sex, Mister Dresden. It's best when it comes on slow, quiet, until it all seems inexorable' - Bianca, mistress of the Red Court of vampires (The Dresden Files)

'From hells' heart I stab at thee! For hates' sake, I spit my last breath at thee!' - Taken from Khan at the end of Wrath of Khan, but I'm fairly certian it's a Shakespear quote..
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Mike_Substelny said Jul 08, 2013 23:40:20
Actually most of Khan's colorful lines from ST: II are from Melville's Moby Dick, though he also quotes or paraphrases other literary sources, e.g. "Revenge is a Dish that is best served cold" or "Let them eat static."
"Damn the torpedoes! Four bells, Captain Drayton!"

(Likely actual words of Admiral David Farragut, USN, at the battle of Mobile Bay. Four bells was the signal for the engine room to make full steam ahead).
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AdmlBaconStraps said Jul 12, 2013 07:52:19
I stand corrected :D

Hell, most of Khans lines would make decent taunts in Artemis..
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RobJosephson said Jul 12, 2013 18:55:13
"You are dumber than your mother looks."

"Your captain is a tin-plated dictator with delusions of God-hood"

"Your ship is built like a garbage scow"

"Your ship shouldn't be hauling garbage, it should be hauled away AS garbage!"

"I slept with your sister"
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RussJudge said Jul 17, 2013 17:44:25
Yeah, ST: II had a big Moby Dick theme throughout--the Enterprise was the whale, while Kahn was Captain Ahab. They made a point of this theme by showing the book on the bookshelf of the Botany Bay.
Russ
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RussJudge said Jul 23, 2013 19:51:09
"My hamster slept with your sister."
Russ
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